


Be conscience-calmed

by CelineRosenfeld



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Poetry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 05:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16299065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelineRosenfeld/pseuds/CelineRosenfeld
Summary: Hux and Ren fight.Ren takes off on a mission and comes back in bad shape.Some part of Hux breaks at the sight and the thought of Ren being hurt.





	Be conscience-calmed

**Author's Note:**

> This took me 6 months to finish so here goes nothing. It is inspired by This Living Hand by John Keats. I had to keep it short again because coming up with an actual plot is so hard for me. I hope you enjoy it and leae kudos and comments <3

_This living hand, now warm and capable_

_Of earnest grasping, would, if it were cold_

_And in the icy silence of the tomb,_

_So haunt thy days and chill thy dreaming nights_

_That thou wouldst wish thine own heart dry of blood_

_So in my veins red life might stream again,_

_And thou be conscience-calmed--see here it is--_

_I hold it towards you._

 

Hux is already painfully aware that something went wrong. It has been too long. He tried to calm himself by petting Millicent and drinking strong tea to stay awake. And really, why should he worry. Ren is capable of taking care of himself. He made sure Hux knew that. Screamed at him. Hux screamed right back, called him reckless, childish, told him that he would get himself killed one way or another. Of course, Ren had to storm off. He didn’t even inform Hux that he would do the mission. Some officer told him like he was talking about the weather.

  
Hux is furious with him, but also, he hates to admit it, worried. Worried and irritated and tired. The crew knows that they are to immediately alert him upon Ren’s return. At least the idiot didn’t go alone, there are ten troopers supposed to be with him. Hux hopes he used their help. That this wasn’t a rash and stupid idea of Ren trying to prove himself to Hux.

He nearly jumps at the voice of someone tells him that Ren is back. He gives them a nod and tries to seem unfazed. Hux waits and watches the shuttle land, then walks up to it, trying to appear collected. He walks slower than he wants to, patience is key.

His false patience falters the moment he sees Ren walking out of the shuttle, leaving a trail of blood behind him. He stumbles a bit and holds his left side; his left arm is hanging loosely with an open wound across it that looks like a bite mark. Hux gasps and rushes to his side and holds his right shoulder, Ren leans against it. He screams for medical assistance, asks why the hell Ren is still on his feet. But, he doesn’t care for the answer. Ren is still conscious enough to recognise him. He grins at him from behind his hair. It’s a mess, sweaty and sticking to him, falling into his eyes.  
“Hux”, Ren breathes his name.

Hux doesn’t answer, he stares at the bruise blossoming on Ren’s cheek. He looks absolutely disgusting and the grin makes it even worse. Hux feels like throwing up.  
“You look horrible”, he lets him know, “What the hell happened down there?”  
Ren chuckles darkly at his remark, then coughs up some blood. He seems crazy. Hux puts his hand on his lower back for support. He doesn’t really realise the medical team approaching but someone taps his shoulder and requests he moves so they can do their job. He snaps out of his haze for a moment. He carefully steps away and watches again as they take Ren away from him. And it feels exactly like that like they are taking the only thing that in any significant way mattered to him away.

  
They have to give Ren an anaesthesia. By now the medical team knows it is for the better. While he seems too drained of energy and life, he always manages a fit, whenever someone tends to his wounds after a battle. Like a little boy scared of a shot. Hux used to enjoy this. In some sick and twisted way, he felt good whenever he saw Ren hurt. That was before Ren pushed him, more and more, and he let him too close to him. He still enjoys seeing him hurt on occasion. Right now though he can’t stand it for more than a minute or two.

  
He makes his way back to his quarters, tries again at calming himself. He works through some reports in the hope of distraction, his cat walking around his feet before settling a few meters away on the bed. But without success. He walks around the ship like he often does during a period of restlessness. It’s fairly common for him and the crew is used to it. After a while, he goes down to the medical wing, aware that if someone sees him sit at Ren’s bedside there will be talk. He orders a droid to keep everyone away from Ren’s room.

Two days ago, he would have been glad if Ren had just shut up and kept still. He doesn’t move apart from his breathing. For a reason unknown to him Hux takes his hand. It feels right and calms him. The panic that was threatening at the back of his mind fades. He gently begins to rub his thumb over the back of Ren’s hand. He looks cleaner now. The dark bruises under his eyes are still there even in sleep but at least the blood is gone. He keeps holding his hand, big compared to his and just a little too cold. It bothers him. To think what these hands could do. What they could do to other living beings or do to him. But to think that they could just be cold. It haunts him. A shiver runs over his spine and a quiet sob escapes him. Quickly he puts Ren’s hand up to his lips. Embarrassed about himself he takes a controlled breath through his nose. He puts a kiss on it and then lays it back down in his lap. A little after that he can feel his own sleep deprivation coming back at him. A heavy tiredness settling in as he drifts away into darkness.

  
He wakes up again because of something shifting under him. He moves when remembers where he is and who is next to him. Ren is looking directly at him, like most of the time looking deep inside him. It scares him. It makes him feel like Kylo knows everything. His past and all his little secrets, even the ones he pushed far away. This is dangerous, and he knows it. Letting another person so close is a risk for both of them and still, he can’t help but hold Ren’s gaze. And then the fucker breaks the spell by pulling his lips into a smirk. Hux sits up again and a blush forms on his cheeks. He clears his throat and moves to leave. He’s already at the door when he hears Ren’s throatily voice.  
“Stay?”  
He’s surprised that it’s not a demand and doesn’t quite trust it. Ren’s smile shifted into something warmer now, like an invitation.  
He holds out his hand too him.


End file.
